Being able to tell you EJ's story is a gift, and we hope it will offer words of hope to other parents who are experiencing what he, Mindy and I went through.

As EJ was growing up, we could tell by the age of 3 or 4 there were going to be some behavior and learning issues. There were temper tantrums, "acting-out" types of behavior, depression, and a major case of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, better known as ADHD. Not really knowing how to handle him, we sought out a therapist when he was only 8-years-old. Mindy and I, along with his therapist, tried our best to manage those issues as he grew into a young adult, but all hell broke loose when EJ reached high school age.

Matt, Mindy, Micky Mouse and EJ in 1989 - Credit Ethan Carey
Matt, Mindy, Micky Mouse and EJ in 1989 - Credit Ethan Carey
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He began smoking both weed and cigarettes. He experienced wide mood swings. He developed a hair-trigger temper, which was the cause of many holes in my walls. He possessed an intense fear of abandonment, a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, feelings of emptiness, and eventually, self injury, suicidal tendencies, and drug abuse.

He attempted suicide once, and was taken by ambulance to Danbury Hospital where he was eventually transferred to the psych unit, where the diagnosis was delivered. EJ displayed 9 out 10 symptoms for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Alan Fruzzetti, PH.D, a clinical psychologist and an expert on BPD described it best at bphope.com when he said:

Imagine waking up every morning in an incredibly bad mood and imagine that bad mood never going away. It stays with you all day, every day. That's just a slight example of what having BPD feels like.

EJ wasn't ready to accept the BPD diagnosis, because of the challenging therapeutic program it would take to battle this nasty mental illness. Instead, he chose to self-medicate with pot and pain killers, which dug him into an even deeper hole. Mindy and I begged him to get into therapy and to stop the drugs, but instead, his behavior continued to get worse.

We offered to help by looking into a residential psychiatric facility, but he wasn't interested, so we told him he couldn't live in our home anymore. Therapy does not help anyone who refuses to do the work. At that point, we weren't sure if he was addicted to drugs or whether he was just self-medicating just because it was easier. In my next blog, I'll tell you how Mindy and I began preparing ourselves for the worst, if that's possible. Here's an original tune EJ wrote about his time on the streets of Danbury when he was homeless.

Listen to Ethan Carey on the Ethan & Lou Show weekdays from 5:30-10AM on 95.1 FM. You can listen online at i95rock.com/listen-live/ or by downloading the radioPup app for your mobile device.

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