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A Pink, Cat Themed Blanket Showed Up in the Office — Yeah, I’m Not Happy

Lou's phone
Lou’s phone

It’s time for some law and order in this office. It’s the Wild West in these hallways. I’m just supposed to sit back and pretend like I don’t see these terrible things?

Everywhere I look, there is some new decoration that does not need to be there. First off, this blanket is a health hazard. I’ve looked at it twice, and I am pretty sure I am now afflicted with a rare disease deep in my retina.

Then, the cat thing — it’s enough already. What is it about cat people that makes them feel the need to express their cat love in every way possible? It’s OK to love cats, but don’t talk to me about it. EVER.

Thirdly, who needs a blanket at work? What purpose could it serve? No one could be so cold that they have to wear a blanket, certainly not in June. I could also guarantee, like with 1,000,000% certainty that this blanket has cat hair on it.

I’m proposing new office legislation that includes, but is not limited to the following:

  • No cat blankets
  • Nothing covered in cat hair
  • No pets
  • No decorations with colors brighter than the surface of the sun
  • No decorations that sing songs of any kind
  • No decorations that mention wine or shoes (Pam)
  • No decorations that reference days of the week as a positive or negative thing
  • No expressions of individuality of any kind
  • No expressions of personal interests of any kind
  • No tiny trinkets of any kind
  • No use of the words “girlfriend” or “sassy”
  • No expressions of joy of any kind

I’m proposing all of these as new office rules. Furthermore, I propose that a failure to observe the new rules will result in the forfeiture of your paycheck in the given pay period.

DISCLAIMER – I love and respect my co-workers. Whoever is behind the appearance of this blanket is very likely a great person who works their butt off. My aversion to joy and fun is a ME problem. Cats are fine animals, blankets are soothing, colors are nice. The people I work with are good, decent people and should not have to listen to my s—! 

 

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