7 Laws That Santa Flagrantly Disobeys Every Christmas
Do you realize how many laws Santa breaks during his around the world delivery schedule?
Should Santa be held to a higher standard? Shouldn't he be the example or should we just let it slide for that one magic night on Christmas Eve? Either way, here are the 7 laws that Santa breaks almost every Xmas eve.
You might say that most individuals who celebrate Xmas expect Santa to enter their homes under the shadows of darkness, but what about those who don't celebrate the holiday? It's most likely that Santa has an XL spread sheet with allowable homes for entry. B&E is considered a misdemeanor, BUT Santa is just dropping off toys for the good little boys and girls and has no intentions of burglarizing anyone's home. NOT GUILTY!
Obviously as Santa's flying through the air on Xmas eve, the reindeer are bitching and moaning about being overworked and underpaid, which makes for a cacophony of noise from 8 reindeer all at once. Did you think that all roof landings are smooth and quiet? NO! Occasionally there's that thump, thump, thumping of reindeer hooves and if Santa has enjoyed a couple of shots of Makers Mark during his rounds, he's bound to have a couple of rocky roof landings.
It's not a proven fact that Santa has any kind of issue with alcohol, but do you really think that out of the millions of homes Santa visits every Xmas eve, there's not some type of adult beverage waiting next to the cookies? Think about it, how much milk can one grown man drink? I want to believe that Santa has a handle on his drinking so he's not impaired during his deliveries. You don't need the jolly fat man driving his sleigh into your screened-in porch right? It's best just to leave him some bottled water instead. No harm, no foul!
Drones now need to be registered by the FAA, and as far as I know, Santa's ginormous sleigh has been given a pass since the beginning of time. Did you know that the sleigh is 25 to 35 feet long? When you add the reindeer, it's about 60 feet in length. The length of a Cessna 404 Titan Ambassador jet is 39 feet long and is most surely registered with the FAA. I don't want to be a butt-in-ski here Santa, but may I suuggest you put together an elf administrative team to look into this issue before the lawsuits begin to fly?
Can you even begin to understand how many hours Santa's elves work the two months leading up to Xmas? 14 hour shifts, 7 days a week, making Barbie Dolls, Cosmo Robot Toys, American Girl Construction Sets, Mattel ThingMakers, and Lionel Mega Trucks while making only minimum wage. They even have to buy their own coffee. The rumors are, that the elves are going to revolt and unionize leading up to the Xmas of 2017. The President of the North Pole Association of Elves has guaranteed that even though 75% of the elves are not happy with their working agreement, the quality of their work will not be comprised this Xmas.
With 31 hours to work with, Santa's sleigh has to travel at 650 million miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound which is so far over the posted speed limit it's preposterous! Santa has 1/1000th of a second to make each of his deliveries. I think we should give him a pass and just leave him alone, besides who's going to catch up with him anyway.
When Santa's 1,000 lb sleigh plops down on the shingles of your roof, there's always a possibility a new roof could be in your future. Don't even get me started on the reindeer poop. What about chimney damage? When the jolly fat man scootches down your chimney, will you be prepared? Has the chimney been cleaned and prepped for Santa? There's always the possibility that Santa may knock over that $700 Ethan Allen lamp. You might want to check if there's such a thing as, Santa Delivery Insurance.